During the week that Mr. Nips went Anchorage Backpage, I turned into one-woman reality version of “He’s just not that into you”
Day 2 – Puzzled: Why hasn’t he contacted me? Did he not receive the backpage message?
Day 3- Questioning: Maybe he’s not into me? But, who makes out with a girl like that if they aren’t into them? I’m confused.
Day 4 – Irrational Insecurity: Are my boobs not as awesome as I like to think they are?
Day 5 – Reality Check: this guy is lame.
Day 6 – Teetering between pissed off and indifferent: Fuck this. My boobs are awesome.
On day 7, Mr. Nips got in touch. He was friendly and flirtatious like nothing had happened. He even mentioned meeting up again.
I was flabbergasted.
Getting back to the dinner conversation – I turned to Casey and said:
“So, Casey as the resident Male at this table, please explain to us why it would take a guy 7 days to call a girl”
“Well, ladies – its like this”
Casey, being the artist that he is, grabbed his notebook and proceeded to draw the following chart.
Players: These Alaskan guys will call you within the first twenty-four hours because they want to be perceived as “guys who actually get it” so that you’ll sleep with them. They understand that time is booty. Waiting to call you only increases the time between when they hooked up with you initially and when they will potentially get in your pants again.
An Overly Needy Male (read: Stalker): This is the kind of guy who thinks he “gets it” but, clearly doesn’t. This guy will call you the next day and the next day and the next day, 18 times in a row. When you don’t call him back, he’ll leave tear stained messages on your voicemail complaining that the women in his life always treat him badly (true story)
A RARE GUY WHO ACTUALLY GETS IT: Women like to be called. If you’re interested in us, we want you to tell us…by calling. It’s pretty simple.
If a guy does not call right away, he falls in one of the following categories at Fairbanks dating backpages.
Playing by Idiotic rules: If I like you, I’ll call you. I rarely think about “rules” when it comes to dating. It wasn’t until I was in my campus bookstore and noticed a copy of How I Met Your Mother’s “Bro Code” book sitting on the same shelf as a book written by our Dean, that I realized maybe there are a lot of people taking advice from idiots. Sure, Barney scores a lot of chicks but he’s also convinced that Bob Barker is his Dad. Case and point.
Dumb/Socially Inept: Backpage women like to feel special. We don’t like to feel like we’ve been victim to a drive-by make-out session/boob grab. By not calling us you’re not going to make us like you more. You’re just going to make us pissed off or lose interest.
He’s just not that into you: If you’re not into me, you’re not into me. I get it. If this is the case either man-up and let me know or, if this is too much for you just don’t EVER CALL AGAIN. I’ll get the hint.
I never got to the bottom of why it took Mr. Nips so long to call. I’m going to guess it was a little bit of all three scenarios. What’s important is that after this experience I came up with my own new rule to live by: if I don’t hear from a guy within 48 hours, I’ll assume he’s not interested and cut my losses. Also: no more make-out sessions in public transit facilities.